Short Shorts and Why They’re Awesome

There’s nothing I can put in this post that 70’s Big didn’t put in this post

Why wouldn’t you want to show off your awesome legs from all the monstrous squats, snatches, and cleans you’re hitting on a regular basis?  Please, embrace the beautiful nature of real shorts, of showing off how much of a raging man you are:

We have a dedicated enemy, a worthy fucking adversary. Men. Women. [ … ] 

The metrosexual. The skinny guy. The college kid. The hipster. The hippy. They come in many forms, yet they are all the same. And they’re trying to steal America away from us! It’s time to make a stand, and we do that by proudly revealing two meaty, bouldering thighs that emit a testosterone-filled musk that inspire women to savagely claw at your hairy chest, urging you to take them to the promised land.

This is your density.

Is there much more I can say?  Seriously … our future is at stake if we continue to allow our boys to wear stupid long basketball shorts and capris because “it’s cool and hip.”  Last time I checked, being a man and displaying your dominance over others was a man’s first and foremost duty.  That’s how we won the World Wars.  Men eat meat, lift heavy weight, roar our aggression, and take our women (for me, woman/wife). 

Remember what’s best in life:  “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.”  My wife hates my shorts, but I don’t care because I’m a man and I dominate.  Be awesome … and remember to eat your meat.

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Short Shorts and Why They’re Awesome

  1. Nothing like wearing a pair of shorty shorts… or, from my experience, Marine Corps “silkies”, which are quite possibly the shortest shorts you can wear without breaking any public indecency laws in the combined 50 states. The reason why men of this generation avoid such attire – they don’t have the “wheels” to display. Spend less time on the bench and more in the squat rack!

    • Joe, you should check out http://www.chubbiesshorts.com. As a matter of fact, tomorrow at 9am PST, they will have new “‘Merica” shorts. I’m going to order a pair to have sent over here so I can punch Afghanistan in the face with a little more ‘Merica … and display my awesome thighs, which aren’t as awesome as yours, but I’ll take them.

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